Love Languages & You
What is your love language?
The five love languages outline five ways that partners can show and receive affection. These include receiving gifts, spending time with loved ones, being touched physically, and speaking encouraging words.
Yet the love languages aren’t just for romantic relationships! You can express your appreciation for coworkers, friends, and partners in love by using the five love languages.
The Conception of 5 Love Languages
In 1992, Dr. Gary Chapman published The 5 Love Languages. He created the term “love languages” in the now-famous work to describe the fundamentally various ways we express and receive love.
Gary Chapman is an author, radio host and a marriage counsellor. Prior to penning the book, Chapman noticed trends in the couples he was counselling. He understood that the couples weren’t communicating their needs to one another.
This had prompted him to identify the “Five Love Languages” to better help people understand the ways love is expressed.
The love languages aren’t just for romantic relationships! You can express your appreciation for coworkers, friends, and partners in love by using the five love languages.
What are the 5 love languages?
It is thought that people usually have two love languages: one main love language and one secondary love language.
The way in which one feels most loved is through their first language. The way that one feels loved, albeit not as much as in their primary language, is through their secondary language.
#1 Words of affirmation
The concept of “words of affirmation” refers to the verbal expression of love, admiration, or praise. When this is a person’s dominant love language, they value positive affirmations, uplifting quotes, romantic notes, and more. Something as meaningful as giving them praise or highlighting their strengths, can brighten up their day.
People who need affirmation thrive when they frequently hear from the people they love, and in order to truly feel loved, they want to hear what the other person is thinking aloud.
#2 Physical touch
Physical touch can be in the form of a hug, a cuddle, an intimate touch, or even just a kind hand on someone’s shoulder.
People who require physical contact want to be hugged, to cuddle, and to always engage in displays of affection in order to feel loved and to show their love for those who matter to them.
#3 Quality time
Spending time together while enjoying one another’s company is what is meant by “quality time.” People who are in need of quality time long for private moments to reconnect with their loved ones and catch up. These private moments allow for conversation and closeness.
#4 Acts of service
When someone does something for another, it counts as an act of love. This can include cooking, cleaning, driving, or even running errands. The other person experiences love or demonstrates love by performing that act of service.
When someone needs a favour or has errands to run, they may ask their loved ones for assistance—not because it is simpler, but because they need the other person to acknowledge their love for them.
Gift-giving is a sign of love and affection for someone who expresses themselves and receives messages in this love language. They value the gift itself as well as the time and effort the giver invested in putting said gift together.
It’s not necessary to give big or lavish gifts in order to express love. It could be leaving a pastry, a note, a handmade gift or even some flowers. These modest presents are expressions of love from the giverto the recipient.
Curious to find out your love language?
Try out this simple quiz.
1. WHICH MEANS MORE TO YOU?
A. Receiving a loving text, note, or email from a loved one without any particular reason.
B. Being hugged by a loved one.
C. Spending one-on-one time with someone I love.
D. Someone I love does something helpful for me.
E. Receiving a token or a heartfelt gift from someone I love.
2. WHICH OF THESE APPEAL TO YOU?
A. Hearing the words “I appreciate you” from someone you love.
B. I feel at ease holding hands, high-fiving, or encircling someone I love with my arm.
C. Even if we aren’t really doing anything, I am with someone I love.
D. Someone I care about does something unexpectedly for me to assist with a project.
E. Someone I care about gives me a gift unexpectedly
3. WHICH OF THESE MAKE YOU HAPPY?
A. Having a loved one tell me that they love me.
B. Sitting next to a loved one.
C. Spending time with a loved one.
D. Someone goes above and beyond to take care of something that releases pressure from you.
E. Receiving small gifts that a loved one put together for you.
4. WHICH OF THES DO YOU DEEPLY RESONATE WITH?
A. When a loved one says “I’m proud of you”.
B. Giving hugs to someone you love.
C. Doing an activity together with someone you love.
D. Receiving help from a loved one to complete a task.
E. Receiving nice things from someone you love makes you feel appreciated.
5. WHICH ONE STANDS OUT TO YOU THE MOST?
A. Hearing praises from someone you love.
B. Getting a back massage from someone you love.
C. Being comfortable enough to just hang out with your loved one without doing any activity or having any plans.
D. A loved one participating in an activity they don’t particularly enjoy but does it for you.
E. Someone you care about presents you with something that made them think of you.
6. WHICH ONE SPEAKS CLOSER TO YOUR HEART?
A. Receiving compliments about your appearance from a loved one.
B. Being in close proximity to a loved one.
C. A loved one showing interest in the things you care about.
D. When a loved one goes out of their way to help you out.
E. Receiving exciting gifts from a loved one.
7. WHICH OF THESE ARE YOU DRAWN TO?
A. Receiving compliments from a loved one unexpectedly.
B. Sharing meaningful touches with a loved one in public.
C. When a loved one takes time to sit, listen and understand your thoughts and feelings.
D. When a loved one offers to run errands for you.
E. Receiving a thoughtful gift from someone you love.
If you answered mostly A-s, your primary love language is Words of Affirmation.
Words of wisdom, counsel, and encouragement from a loved one have meaning for you. You gain the courage and assurance you require through words. You can tell how much someone you care about loves you by their verbal expressions.
If you answered mostly B-s, your primary love language is Physical Touch.
You constantly yearn to be near the people you love, showing your affection for them through hugs, massages, or even sitting side by side (sometimes squeezing into the same seat).
If you answered mostly C-s, your primary love language is Quality Time.
Spending time and taking pleasure in the company of a loved one gives you a great deal of satisfaction. When you spend time with a loved one, you might occasionally yearn for deep conversations and to make memories. Sometimes being with the person you love will make you feel the happiest.
If you answered mostly D-s, your primary love language is Acts of Service.
You believe that action speak louder than words. You appreciate people who help you out to alleviate stress or do things to make your life easier. You may take promises seriously and feel disappointed if a loved one does not follow through on their promise.
If you answered mostly E-s, your primary love language is Gifts.
If giving gifts is your preferred method of expressing your affection for someone, then you are also likely to give gifts to others. You put a lot of thought into choosing a gift for a loved one, and you value it when they do the same for you.
In all relationships, not just romantic ones, communication is frequently the biggest obstacle. Understanding your love language will help you better show your loved ones your affection as well as learn how you like to be loved so you can foster more open and healthier relationships.
NOTE: This test is not intended for use in any kind of self-diagnosis. If you would like to learn more about yourself and how you approach interpersonal and intrapersonal relationships, you’re strongly advised to speak with a relationship expert or other relevant professionals to gain better insights.
Source: The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Love Language Official Website, Science of People, Huffington Post