Get Ready to Date Well

Redefining dating in the digital age

We met up with Carlos Fernández, the lively Co-founder & CEO of Date Well Project (DWP), and Izzy Shaima, your go-to DWP Certified Matchmaker and Psychologist. Together, they’re all about self-discovery, meaningful connections, supporting NGOs, and shaking up dating in the digital age with their community initiatives. Join us as we dive into their innovative approaches and the ripple effects on personal relationships and societal well-being!

1Twenty80: Can you share more about the inspiration behind the Date Well Project (DWP)? How did the pandemic influence your vision?

Carlos Fernández : 

Date Well Project was born out of a direct response to the pandemic’s impact on social interactions, particularly in dating. Its founder, Grace Tan, observed the challenges of relying on dating apps and the growing disconnect in a hyper-connected world. She heard numerous accounts from friends about the pitfalls of online dating—ghosting, impersonation, and scams—which further fueled her determination to create an alternative space for genuine connections.

Grace initiated the project with a simple yet powerful idea: to recreate the serendipity of meeting someone offline, akin to the stories of old where chance encounters sparked meaningful relationships. The rarity of such genuine and unplanned interactions in today’s digital age doesn’t happen often. Hence, DWP is there to do just that.

DWP was founded in October 2022 and its first painting-themed speed dating event took place in December 2022. DWP quickly gained traction as attendees clamoured for more events that offered not just dating opportunities but a refreshing break from the digital dating landscape. In early 2023, I met Grace upon my return to Malaysia after travelling around Asia and I immediately resonated with Date Well’s mission. Collaborating with Grace, who brings her expertise as a psychologist specialising in counselling, we shared a vision to expand DWP beyond dating to encompass broader social networking needs.

Together, Grace and I continue to evolve DWP, driven by our shared belief in the importance of real-life connections in an increasingly digital world.

1Twenty80: What specific issues with traditional dating apps were you aiming to address with DWP?

Carlos:

We aimed to tackle three main issues prevalent in traditional dating apps. Firstly, the superficial and often meaningless filtering that occurs. Many users, overwhelmed by options, hastily swipe based on superficial traits without delving into profiles. I recall countless instances where matches would ask if I were Malay despite my name being Carlos—a clear oversight of basic profile details.

Secondly, there’s a growing problem of unauthentic and insincere connections. In an environment flooded with profiles and fleeting interactions, genuine connections often take a back seat. Both men and women experience this, with conversations sometimes driven more by seeking validation or attention than by genuine interest.

Izzy Shaima: 

The third thing is that traditional apps sometimes foster inorganic first impressions. We believe that meaningful connections require more than just ticking off boxes on a checklist. Our approach encourages users to go beyond superficial traits, fostering an environment where meaningful connections can flourish.

1Twenty80: Do your dating events have ice-breaking sessions? 

Izzy: 

Absolutely, our ice-breaking sessions are tailored to suit each event’s unique atmosphere and the preferences of our attendees. We continuously experiment and refine our approach based on participant feedback and the dynamics we observe on the day. For more outgoing crowds, we might opt for simple games or interactive activities that encourage immediate interaction. However, for events where we anticipate more reserved participants, we use creative prompts like mix-and-match picture exercises to gently ease everyone into the conversation.

Each ice-breaker is designed to facilitate genuine connections by prompting attendees to share basic details about themselves in a comfortable setting. Whether it’s a traditional speed dating format or an event tailored to a specific cultural or linguistic group, our goal remains consistent: to create an environment where people feel comfortable and eager to engage with each other authentically. These activities not only break the ice but also set the stage for meaningful interactions throughout the event.

1Twenty80: How does the DWP aim to create more meaningful and less emotionally exhausting dating experiences compared to typical dating apps?

Izzy & Carlos:

The landscape of online dating can be a mixed bag—while we don’t demonise dating apps (after all, many successful relationships do start there- like both of our respective relationships), we recognise their (dating apps) limitations. Using these apps often demands a significant investment of time and emotional energy, from crafting the perfect profile to managing expectations upon meeting in person. The disconnect between online interactions and real-life chemistry can be disappointing, despite initial matches.

We offer an alternative where intentional dating takes centre stage. 

Our approach isn’t just about replacing dating apps but providing a controlled and supportive setting for people to explore their dating preferences and engage authentically. Participants appreciate the opportunity to interact face-to-face without the pressure and ambiguity often associated with online platforms. This intentional focus ensures that everyone involved respects each other’s time and desires, leading to more fulfilling dating experiences.

Ultimately, DWP aims to align expectations and enhance the quality of interactions, helping participants navigate the dating scene with clarity and purpose.

1Twenty80: How does the DWP facilitate deeper human connections beyond superficial swiping and matching?

Izzy:

At DWP, we prioritise eliminating digital fatigue and fostering genuine face-to-face interactions. During the pandemic, Zoom fatigue became a real issue due to excessive screen time. Research shows that prolonged virtual interactions can exhaust the brain. In contrast, face-to-face meetings allow for authentic connections—reading body language, sensing energy, and trusting gut feelings—that simply can’t be replicated online.

As we launch our Pick-a-boo blind date party alongside our matchmaking services, we emphasise the importance of intuitive connections. Studies indicate that people often feel drawn to partners who may differ from their idealised preferences, highlighting the limitations of rigid filters on dating apps. Our speed dating events, where conversations are goal-directed and intentional, provide a structured environment to ask meaningful questions and gauge compatibility efficiently.

Carlos:

Our events are designed to facilitate relaxed and meaningful conversations. Whether over coffee or a casual bite, attendees have the opportunity to engage naturally. For those who may feel nervous or struggle with conversation, we provide thoughtfully prepared conversation cards to ensure everyone feels comfortable and engaged. This structured approach not only prevents awkward silences but also eliminates the possibility of being ghosted—each interaction is meaningful and respectful, lasting just 10 minutes per person.

In contrast, face-to-face meetings allow for authentic connections—reading body language, sensing energy, and trusting gut feelings—that simply can’t be replicated online.

-Izzy Shaima-

1Twenty80: How does the matchmaking process work over at DWP?

Izzy: 

When it comes to our matchmaking service, we prioritise aligning values and life priorities over superficial criteria like income, career, or physical attributes. We delve into what truly matters: understanding each person’s core values, love languages, and relationship priorities. Recently, we had a case where two individuals seemed like a psychological match, yet had nuanced differences in their daily routines or beliefs, such as differing views on social media use.

This sparked a debate within our team—should such differences be deal breakers? Ultimately, we recognised that perfect matches rarely exist if we focus solely on minor discrepancies. Our approach emphasises flexibility and open-mindedness, encouraging our clients to explore deeper connections beyond surface-level preferences.

During our events, including speed dating, we educate participants on the importance of meaningful conversations that transcend simple checklist items. We empower them to take responsibility for fostering genuine connections, rather than merely ticking boxes.

1Twenty80: What advice does the DWP offer to individuals seeking to form authentic and meaningful connections in the dating world?

Izzy:

Before seeking out a partner, understanding your own values, priorities, and emotional needs is crucial. It’s not just about knowing what you want externally, but delving into why those aspects matter to you personally. For instance, identifying core values such as honesty or family orientation helps in finding someone who shares or complements these values.

Moreover, understanding your attachment style and love languages can significantly enhance communication and compatibility in relationships. Knowing how you communicate best and what emotional gestures resonate with you can guide you toward partners who align with your needs on a deeper level.

We often encounter clients who express preferences like good communication skills in a partner, but overlook their own preferred communication styles. It’s a two-way street; effective communication requires understanding and compatibility from both sides.

Ultimately, the goal is to foster connections that are not only compatible on the surface but also fulfilling and supportive in the long term. By knowing yourself deeply, you can navigate dating with clarity and intention, ensuring that the relationships you build are built on a strong foundation of mutual understanding and respect.

1Twenty80: What are some ‘green flags’ that DWP encourages people to look for when dating?

Izzy:

Green flags are those positive signs that indicate a potential for a healthy and fulfilling relationship. First and foremost, trust your gut feeling. It’s essential to recognise what feels right for you personally rather than relying solely on external advice.

One significant green flag is positive interaction and good rapport. When you feel energised, enjoy meaningful conversations, and leave feeling uplifted and wanting more, that’s a strong indicator of a promising connection.

Another crucial green flag is aligned values and principles. It’s important to find someone whose goals and beliefs complement or resonate with yours. This alignment strengthens the foundation of a relationship, providing common ground for growth and understanding.

Consistency in behaviour is also key. A partner who acts reliably across different situations and settings demonstrates integrity and stability. This consistency builds trust and reliability in the relationship.

Lastly, emotional availability is vital. This means being open, honest, and willing to engage with your emotions and feelings. It fosters a supportive and empathetic connection where both partners feel heard and understood.

Carlos:
We strongly advocate for giving second chances and that might just be an unexpected green flag that many may not see coming. It’s not about dismissing an initial awkward encounter and moving on; it’s about understanding that people can have off-days or nerves that affect their first impression. Take my girlfriend and me, for instance—we’re quite different personalities, almost like black and white but that’s where the beauty lies.

What really matters is how individuals follow through beyond that initial interaction. Sometimes, external factors or personal circumstances can hinder someone from showing their best self. It’s about fostering connections and understanding that some individuals need more time to feel comfortable and communicate effectively. We encourage participants to maintain consistent communication and nurture connections beyond our events, helping them build meaningful relationships.

We strongly advocate for giving second chances and that might just be an unexpected green flag that many may not see coming.

-Carlos-

1Twenty80: How does DWP educate its community about the importance of recognising healthy relationship traits?

Izzy & Carlos:

Beyond our matchmaking and speaking events, we engage our community through various educational initiatives. For instance, we regularly host workshops with one being on self-discovery, aligning with our belief that knowing oneself is crucial for healthy relationships. We’re thrilled to have Andra, a respected dating coach and psychologist, lead insightful webinars like this.

Additionally, our online resources, including social media tips and blog posts, provide practical advice. Before our speed dating events, we offer preparatory materials to ease nerves and set expectations. We also prioritise community support with events like Girls’ Circles, fostering a safe space for women to navigate the complexities of dating together.

Moreover, for our matchmaking clients, we offer personalised coaching sessions. These sessions may include mock dates or public speaking practice to enhance confidence and communication skills. Looking ahead, we plan to launch a dedicated personal coaching service to further support our community’s journey towards healthy relationships. At DWP, we’re committed to empowering individuals with the knowledge and tools to cultivate fulfilling connections.

1Twenty80: Could you elaborate on the events and activities you organise to foster authentic connections among participants?

Carlos & Izzy:

Absolutely! We’re always innovating our events to create meaningful connections. For instance, we’ve hosted painting sessions where participants express themselves through art, sparking conversations that delve beyond surface topics. In our first Girls’ Circles, we even tried candle making, providing a relaxed atmosphere for people to engage while crafting.

One of our unique initiatives is Volun-date, where singles volunteer together for NGOs, allowing them to bond over shared values while making a difference. Eco-date is another standout, where participants learn about sustainable farming practices, blending education with social interaction.

We continually introduce fresh ideas to keep things dynamic. Whether it’s unique venues that set a different vibe or engaging hosts who bring diverse perspectives, we strive to offer varied experiences. During introvert speed dating, for instance, we incorporate creative elements like themed conversation starters and interactive props to facilitate connections.

Recently, we hosted Pasar Single, one of Malaysia’s largest Muslim singles events, featuring a range of activities from blind dates to conversation corners and photo booths. These events aren’t just about mingling; they’re designed to spark genuine connections and foster a sense of community.

In addition to speed dating tailored to different demographics and social nights focused on building friendships, we also offer sports groups, workshops, and matchmaking services. Looking ahead, we’re excited about new partnerships and upcoming events, including a dating show, all aimed at helping individuals forge meaningful relationships.

1Twenty80: How does DWP support NGOs, and what specific initiatives have you undertaken to benefit community causes?

Carlos:

At DWP, we’re committed to supporting NGOs through various initiatives. A portion of our revenue from each event is allocated for monthly donations, which directly benefit our partner NGOs Yayasan Chow Kit and HOPE Worldwide Malaysia. Currently, we’re actively seeking new partnerships with organisations focused on empowering vulnerable women’s communities.

In addition to financial contributions derived from ticket sales and partnerships, we’ve also launched specific initiatives such as Volun-dates. This unique program encourages our participants to volunteer together for community projects, enhancing their sense of social responsibility while making a positive impact.

Our flagship event, Eco-date, exemplifies our commitment to integrating philanthropy with social activities. By organising events like these, which combine social interaction with meaningful causes, we aim to create a platform where participants can engage actively in community support.

Looking ahead, we are planning to expand our efforts by developing projects that directly involve our partners in activities like speed dating, ensuring that our community initiatives continue to grow and make a meaningful difference in people’s lives.

Before you finish reading…

Keep Calm & Date Well!